I have had two panic attacks in the last three days, and I'm fighting back another one right now. I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me. I've lost control of everything. I've let myself go appearance wise, I've been skipping class, I'm not in control of my body, and I'm sick. I feel like I can't do anything to fix any of it. Normally I would start controlling food because that's what my ED does to me, but I'm trying so hard to be good. I know it worries my boyfriend and my friends so I try to abide by a normal diet, but I think that's part of my problem. If I could just go back to what I used to do I would feel better. Sure it would take a toll on my body, but I would look and feel better.
I used to be in love with my ED. It was the love of my life. Now my epically awesome boyfriend is...and I know he would be sad if I went back to the way I used to be. He is the most important thing in my life, and I want to take care of myself for him. I'm just...I don't even know what I am. Anxious and out of control.
Merf.
Kittens make me smile. :)
ReplyDeleteSo do you.