2010 is almost over...THANK GOD

It isn't exactly a huge secret that parts of 2010 sucked ass for me.

1) worst break up ever
2) lost almost all of my oldest friends
3) gained weight
4) flunked everything my first semester of college
5) car was stolen

I admit, I know it could have been a lot worse, and I had a lot of good things happen too.

1) got my first New Years kiss
2) made amazing new friends
3) lost the weight I gained
4) got accepted to Lyon(which happened to be my first choice)
5) made awesome friends at Lyon
6) GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!(to the most amazing man ever)
7) Recovered my car

Even though so many good things happened I'm glad the year is coming to a close tonight.  It's time to move on and live my life the way I really want to and should.

Happy New Year guys :)

REACTIONS

So this is a play by play of the reactions I got from my family when I told them Jonathan and I are engaged:

Mom:  Have you lost your mind?
Dad:  I'll be encouraging, but I think you're both crazier than shithouse rats.
Grandma:  As long as God is the center of your relationship you'll be fine.
Gram/Grandmother: ??? haven't told them yet

I think my mom had the funniest reaction.  As for my gram and grandmother...I just hope they don't wig out when we show them the ring tomorrow.

I'm pretty sure some of my friends are looking at my relationship status right now thinking "Emmey say wwwhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

I'm a freaky sex addict that likes to have fun who smoked with your dealer because I have AMAZING boobs

First, add "I'm a/an" on your title, then add the rest of the answers on as you do the questions.

What color/kind of socks are you wearing? 

[  ] Red = loud

[  ] Green = stupid

[x ] None = freaky

[ ] Fuzzy = gorgeous

[  ] Yellow = innocent

[ ] Purple = a little too happy

[  ] Black = emo

[  ] Stripes = funny

[  ] Gray = skanky

[ ] Pink = preppy

[ ] Light blue = sweaty

[  ] Other = hot- bare footed 

[  ] White = sexy

What kind of pants are you wearing?

[ ] Shorts = cutie

[  ] Skirt/skort = skank

[  ] Corduroy = homosexual

[ ] Tight jeans = scene kid

[  ] Ripped jeans = emo

[  ] Cammo = cage fighter

[] Jeans = prep

[ ] PJs = pimp

[  ] Cargo = clown

[ ] Sweats = athlete

[  ] Boxers = brat

[  ] Booty shorts = female

[  ] Capris = Gangster

[  ] Nothing = hoe

[  ] Dickies = weirdo

[  ] Bikini bottoms = tiki girl

[ X] Other = sex addict

What is your natural hair color?

[  ] Auburn = that every one wants to make out with

[  ] Blonde = with a broken heart

[   ] Black = with a sexy smile

[  ] Dark brown = with a hot boyfriend/girlfriend

[x ] Red = that likes to have fun

[ ] Brown = who loves to be different

[  ] Dirty blonde= with a nice ass

[  ] Bald = with herpes

Pick the month you were born on:

[  ] 1 = who ate

[ ] 2 = who needed

[  ] 3 = who killed

[  ] 4 = who shot

[] 5 = who killed

[x ] 6 = who smoked with

[  ] 7 = who banged

[  ] 8 = who ran shirtless with

[  ] 9 = who got stabbed horribly by

[ ] 10 = who cuddled with

[ ] 11 = who slept with

[  ] 12 = who ran naked with

Pick the day you were born on:

[ ] 01 = the kool-aid man

[ ] 02 = a dog

[  ] 03 = a shoe

[   ] 04 = a toothbrush

[  ] 05 = Santa Claus

[  ] 06 = The Trojan man

[  ] 07 = Barney the dinosaur

[  ] 08 = a prostitute

[  ] 09 = a porn star

[  ] 10 = a bag of weed

[  ] 11 = my lover

[ ] 12 = a glass of milk

[  ] 13 = a horse

[  ] 14 = a lesbian

[  ] 15 = a stripper

[  ] 16 = a pickle

[  ] 17 = a jew

[  ] 18 = a homo

[  ] 19 = an orange

[  ] 20 = my mom

[  ] 21 = a homeless guy

[  ] 22 = a whore

[  ] 23 = my crush

[ ] 24 = an easter egg

[  ] 25 = a jar of honey

[  ] 26 = a condom

[  ] 27 = a bowl of cereal

[  ] 28 = a french fry

[ x ] 29 = your dealer

[  ] 30 = Paris Hilton

[  ] 31 = your grandma

Pick the color of the shirt you are wearing:

[ ] White = because I love marijuana

[ ] black = because I'm sexy as hell

[   ] Pink = Because the lil people told me to

[ x ] blue = becauseI have AMAZING boobs

[  ] Red = because I'm a pimp and you're jealous

[  ] Polka Dots = because I hate my life

[  ] Purple = because I'm gay

[ ] Gray = because I got dared

[  ] Other = because that's how I roll-  no shirt on at all

[  ] Green = because I'm good in bed

[  ] Orange = because I smoke crack

[ ] Turquoise = because I have a noodle in my nose

[  ] Brown = because I had to



he liked it so much he put a ring on it

Yep...I'm engaged!  I'm like annoyingly happy :):):)  I would marry Jonathan tomorrow if I could, but I think it's important to run around being engaged first.  I want plenty of time to show off the ring.  I'll post pictures when I can, but for now I'm gonna find funny wedding pictures that make me laugh.

Camo Dress

This should never be acceptable...ever.

DREAM DRESS

This is my absolute dream dress.  Just sayin.

instead of cleaning my room I shall blog

I came to the realization while watching Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide (do NOT judge me, nothing else was on tv, and it reminds me of childhood) that a blog is just a VERY public diary.  In said episode of Ned's Declassified Jennifer Mosely can't find her diary, and it turns out some new kid took it to read it.  When she found this new kid with her diary she was immediately furious.  I couldn't help but think about how when we were younger the thoughts we wrote down were private and for nobody else.  It would kill us if our diaries fell into the hands of another.

Now we put our thoughts out on the internet for free and don't worry about it.  Our entire lives are on the internet.  We have facebook, myspace, twitter, blogging sites, dailybooth....there are countless social networking sites.  I have a facebook, myspace(don't ever use it), twitter, dailybooth, and obviously I have this blog.  It's kind of weird to me how something that would have crushed my tiny, little-girl spirits at the age of 7 I have no problem with now.  I would have died if people could read my thoughts whenever they wanted to look at my profile, if anybody could see my pictures, if anybody could so easily find out what I think about politics and God from my political and religious views tabs on facebook.

Privacy used to be regarded as a right and something most people wanted and cherished, but now most of us (especially in my age range) choose to give our privacy away.  Don't get my wrong, I'm not that private a person, but I do probably put more out there than I should.

At least the owls are choosing privacy...maybe he'll have a blog in 11 years too.

Well that was much more serious than I originally intended.   Should I add some silly pics for the lols?  I think I shall.

lol

LOL

Ok...maybe my new owl obsession should stop.

This could be deemed offensive, but come on!

It's funny and you love me ;)

bored out of my damn mind

So I found this survey and thought it would be a good idea.  You put your itunes library on shuffle and each song title is an answer.

Opening Credits: Derezzed(tis from TRON)

Your mom finds out she's pregnant with you: O Girlfriend

Slideshow of her pregnancy: Shadow Stabbing

While she's delivering you: Mamma Mia(swear to God guys)

Your first birthday: Phat Rabbit

You growing up: Rollercoaster 

Your first day of school: Trees Get Wheeled Away

Meeting your first friend: My Name Is Jonas

Your first day of middle school: What's Your Fantasy(Remix)

Meeting your first crush: Hurt Me

Your first kiss: Mouthing Off

Fighting with your parents: On My Way to Work

Fighting with your friends: I've Been Eating(For You)

Breaking up: Silver Bells

Your first day of high school: Mexico

Your sweet sixteen: World of Warcraft Ruined My Life(pay attention to that Jonathan :p)

Your first time having sex: Drunk Kid Catholic

Your 18th birthday: Passing Afternoon

Your graduation ceremony: Growing Pains

Your first day of college: Just the Way You Are

Your first college party: No Other One

Meeting your true love: All I Want Is You

Getting married: World of Two(again no lie)

Finding out you/your spouse is pregnant: Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums

Having your first child: Thrills

Getting old: Hungover

Your spouse gets sick: Just Dance(oh god no)

They die: Armory(tis another from TRON)

At their funeral: Method Acting

You end up in the hospital: Right In Front of You

Your death: I Remember

Your funeral: The Greatest Reward

People's Themes

Yours: So Nice, So Smart

Your best friend: Long Line Of Cars

Your first crush: Teenage Dream(how appropriate)

Your mom: The Calender Hung Itself

Your dad: Heart Surgery

Your sibling(s): Girls Gone Wild

Your worst enemy: Spring Cleaning

Your signifigant other: Your Love

Your first child: Tripped

Your first grandchild: Miss Boombox

What You Listen To When...

You're happy: El Scorcho

You're upset: God Gave Me You

You're angry: Love Is Dead

You're depressed: Goodbye's

You're cleaning: Comfort Eagle

You're working out: By the Time

You're bored: Short Skirt Long Jacket

You're doing homework: Hard Times

You're eating: Summer of 09

You're thinking: E.T.

You're going to sleep: Let Love Down

You're feeling sick: Nothing Gets Crossed Out

You're going shopping: Last Chance

You're hanging out with your friends: I Believe In Symmetry 

You're on a date: Save Me

You're having sex: Linger

You're at a party: Grew Up a Screw Up

You're driving: Waterloo

You're on a plane: Blow It Out

You're relaxing: Can't Be Tames

You're on vacation: Friend Is a Four Letter Word

Random

Your friends think your theme is: Naked As We Came

Your family thinks your theme is: Rocketship

Your signifigant other thinks your theme is: Love and Some Verses

What reminds your enemy of you: Your Biggest Fan

What song makes you sad: Money Maker

Makes you happy: Runaway Baby

Makes you mad: Ain't No Good

Gives you energy: Best of Both Worlds

Makes you tired: Free Until They Cut Me Down

You love to hate: Rectifier(TRON again)

You hate to love: Moment 4 Life

Makes you think: Sucka For Love

Makes you wonder: Poison Oak

What song inspires you: Solar Sailer(FREAKING TRON AGAIN)

Motivates you: Teeth

Makes you feel invincible: Billy Brown

Even More Random

When you trip: Kissin You

When you fall: The Guitar Man

When you're trying to look cool: Sorry For Love

When you have no idea what's going on: Take My Breath Away

When you can't figure something out: Freak Me Out

When you're dancing around the house cuz you're home alone: One Straw(Please)

What you sing in the shower: Take It Off(BAHAHAHAHAHA)

When you're getting dressed: Going for the Gold

When you're talking on the phone: Arrival(another TRON song)

When you're sneaking out: Rain

When you get caught sneaking back in: Here I Am

When you think about life: Peacock

What actually sums up your life: All I Do Is Win(I'm not conceited I swear)

How people will remember you: Circle the Drain

How you want people to remember you: Damaged

The best song out there: The Winner Takes It All

The worst song out there: Rollout

Worst song by the best artist: Dance In the Dark

Best song by the worst artist: Secret Place

Ending Credits: Road to Joy

Well that was exhausting...my eyes hurt now.  Peace out, it's sleeping time!

I needed a lol or two

I'm Home for Christmas

So...yeah I'm home now.  Jonathan (because he's awesome and amazing and such) drove me to see my mom's side of the family Friday.  Well after Joann (my grandmother)  told me being sexually assaulted was my fault everything kind of went to shit.  When I got up Saturday she treated me like an animal telling me to "get" and such.  I was angry.  After much pleading and crying I got Jonathan to send his sister to rescue me from family hell.  When we got back to his house I could finally breath again.

And now I'm back home in Searcy.  Thank God.  As much as I dislike being at home compared to being at Lyon College, it's Christmas and this is family time.  I know I  need this time at home to chill the hell out and refocus.  Not having a car kind of sucks a lot (twas stolen), but I have to deal with that...and most likely deal with State Farm dropping me.  Some good neighbors they are.

Anywho,  I'm going to spend the rest of my night being lazy and listening to the TRON: Legacy soundtrack.
The movie was amazing!  Except for Olivia Wilde's hair.  WTF were they thinking? Ack.

Really, God?

So I hate people.

Not only was my boyfriend's laptop stolen last night, apparently my car was too.  I would like to cause whoever did this bodily harm.  Not only was it a really shitty thing to do, it was done at the WORST possible time.  Finals week? Really you asshat?  He did not need this.  I'm probably more upset that somebody stole his laptop than I am that somebody stole my car.  Merf.

...This is me right now, dude.

Instructions

If I Die Young by The Band Perry

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the lovin' of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
oh oh


The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls

Sorry to be so morbid...I just really like this song lol.

omg I'm gonna die

So...it's finals week...
I'M DEAD
Ok I'm not dead, but I would almost rather be dead than deal with this bullshit.  Everyone is super stressed, and I'm pretty sure all of us just want to get home for a while.  It sucks sooooooo much ass here right now.  The only good things in my life right now are my boyfriend and my awesome friends.

(This morning somebody stole the boyfriend's laptop and I would personally like to strangle them.)

No matter how shitty things are I know Jonathan and my friends can make things better...but especially Jonathan :)
...ok I'm turning into one of those annoying girlfriends I hate.

I guess I just wanted to rant, but now I'll make you go awwwwwww!

can you say no to that face?

doesn't need words

tehehehe

I don't sleep motha fucka!!!

So...I can't sleep.  This is an issue and has been for some time now.  I blame the boyfriend, who started keeping me awake all night, so I sleep all day.  Well not all day...just most of it.  Especially mornings.  It really started with one all nighter, but I'm not going into detail.

What the point of this post really is...
NATALIE PORTMAN RAP
word.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpMPFGBtE7Q

Dear Friend

To Sam, the best girl-friend I have ever had.  I love you dearly.

Dear Friend, what's on your mind
You don’t laugh the way you used to
But I've noticed how you cry
Dear friend, I feel so helpless
I see you sit in silence
As you face new pain each day
I feel there’s nothing I can do
I know you don’t feel pretty
Even though you are
But it wasn’t your beauty
That found room in my heart

Dear friend, you are so precious Dear Friend

Dear friend, I'm here for you
I know that you don’t talk too much
But we can share this day anew
Dear Friend, please don’t feel like you're alone
There is someone who is praying
Praying for your peace of mind
Hoping joy is what you'll find
I know you don’t feel weak
Even though you are
But it wasn’t your strength
That found room in my heart
Dear friend, you are so precious, Dear Friend

Dear Friend by Stacie Oricco

I'm sorry.

for the lols

I think you people need to laugh more...so here ya go:

STUPID COMPUTER

My computer is being asstarted!!! Every five seconds it makes that silly noise like an iPod is being hooked up to it...I'M NOT HOOKING MY FREAKING IPOD UP TO IT.  It's getting to the point where I just wanna hurl my lime green laptop right at Ryan's(my boyfriend's roommate) head.
I'm not really going to throw my laptop at his head.  It sounds rather appealing, but I value Ryan as a friend and I love my laptop lots.

So,  as my computer made it's annoying plea for attention a minute ago I proceeded to shout something I should not have shouted...

"Stop making that noise when there's nothing in you!!"

...That's what he said.

Laughing Owl

I like owls...can you tell?

my mother

Today I came to the realize I have turned into my mother.  Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but it's just weird.

My mom is very much in love with her boyfriend, lives with him, sits around on weekends playing computer games, and obsesses over her weight and interior design.

I am very much in love with my boyfriend, I pretty much live with him, all I do is sit around with him playing facebook games and blogging, and I obsess over my weight and designing things.

I'm scared for my mental health and stability.

I'm about this scared.

freak the freak out

I feel so freaking out of control it's not even humorous.

I have had two panic attacks in the last three days, and I'm fighting back another one right now.  I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me.  I've lost control of everything.  I've let myself go appearance wise, I've been skipping class, I'm not in control of my body, and I'm sick.  I feel like I can't do anything to fix any of it.  Normally I would start controlling food because that's what my ED does to me, but I'm trying so hard to be good.  I know it worries my boyfriend and my friends so I try to abide by a normal diet, but I think that's part of my problem.  If I could just go back to what I used to do I would feel better.  Sure it would take a toll on my body, but I would look and feel better.

I used to be in love with my ED.  It was the love of my life.  Now my epically awesome boyfriend is...and I know he would be sad if I went back to the way I used to be.  He is the most important thing in my life, and I want to take care of myself for him.  I'm just...I don't even know what I am.  Anxious and out of control.

Merf.

I can has illness? Yes...I can.

I'm sick. 

Again.

With the same thing.

Again.

Damn stomach flu.

This is the fourth time this semester the stomach flu fairy has decided to visit me. What the hell am I  doing to get this all the damn time?  I never got sick in high school.  I was a good kid in high school though.  I didn't stay up super late and sleep through school, I ate pretty healthy instead of eating junk, then fasting and restricting for days, and I didn't smoke like a freight train.  I have a feeling my poor choices are the reasons for my health issues.  I mean it makes sense.  

Doesn't make me feel any better though.  I am bitter as hell.  

Bottom Bunk FAIL

As I started to lean back and blog about how nothing funny or interesting happened to me today...
something funny happened.
My boyfriend resides in a back room of a ZBT apartment on the bottom bunk.  Because I am Bella Cullen clumsy I have repeatedly bashed my head in on the top bunk, hit my elbows on the walls, and the recent development has been hitting my shoulders on the bottom edge of the top bunk, knocking the air out of my lungs.  Now, this is not the funny event that just took place, I just felt the need to tell you.  After deciding to publish this new post I proceeded to scoot back which launched my lap top towards the top bunk, thus smacking it right into the top bunk.
My clumsiness is now spreading to inanimate objects.

Boyfriend- "At least it wasn't your head this time."
Me- giggle, giggle, snort

He is unaware of the shoulder-hitting development...well now he is I guess.

Fashion Fails

Normally...I'm not one to complain about fashion statements made by others.  However, there are certain things even I can't ignore.

BIGGEST FASHION PET PEEVES 

Mom Jeans

Fame is no reason to think you can get away with this, ladies.

Cobweb Sweaters

What jackass lied and told them it was ok to wear Halloween decorations?

Saggy Pants

Nobody...NOBODY wants to see that shit.  Pull your pants up dumbass.

Leggings As Pants

Jeggings are one thing, but this should never happen.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system I'm going to do something productive.

EDNOS

Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.

While I was not familiar with this eating disorder when I was 13 I was suffering from it.

I never felt pretty enough, talented enough, strong enough, or anything enough.  My parents had drilled perfection into my brain since I was born, so of course if I wasn't perfect I was never good enough.  My parents never harped on my appearance...but I did.

I was miserable in school.  Middle school was fucking hell.  I was hanging out with the wrong people, and I had a god awful reputation.  I spent most of 7th grade trying to salvage said reputation and succeeded to some degree.  I hated my body though.  My body was the reason I was hanging out with the only people I thought would accept me.  I felt invisible to everybody else...

Then 8th grade happened.  I was in a church small group full of beautiful, size zero girls.  I wanted to be like them so badly, but I had no clue how to do it.  I knew my mom had tried diets before and I thought I could lose weight that way too. But, I took it to the extreme.  I stopped eating.  I just shut myself down.  I would consume 100 calories, maybe, on a "bad" day.  

The weight flew off me.  I lost 22lbs in the span of 14 days.  It was the biggest rush of my life.  I felt totally and completely in control for the first time, it was like I was high or something.  

When my mother found out what was going on with me of course I was forced to eat normally again.  I was fine for a while, but soon I found this disorder I was dealing with would reek havoc on my body and mind in vicious cycles.  I turned to websites like prettythin to find support, and since I was 15 the other members of that site have been there to support me.  I may deal with my disorder mostly in cycles, but I know prettythin is always there for me.

When I came to college I crashed and burned.  All I could think to do was turn to the one thing I knew I could control, and I did.  I have amazing friends like Sam, Ashley, and Emy to support me, but I don't think any of them can truly comprehend what each bite of food feels like.  And I know my boyfriend loves me just the way I am, but he can tell me I'm beautiful all he wants to and I still won't believe it.  It breaks my heart that I can't believe him because I want to so badly.

http://www.prettythin.com/apps/links/

ALARM FAIL

So I had an epic fucking fail this morning...
I get ready to go to sleep last night(which means I got in bed with the love of my life to cuddle) and set my alarm for 7am because I have a class at 8am.  Well, I only thought I set my alarm for 7am. Turns out I set it for 7pm. 
Fuck. My. Life.
I can't miss anymore class, like at all.  I let myself get too far behind in the semester for this bullshit.  Not only did I miss classes I couldn't afford to miss, but I missed a chemistry exam as well.  Thankfully I emailed my chem professor and I can fix my exam problem.  I'm just angry with myself for being so damn STUPID.
How did I decide to remedy my freak out of epic proportions? By having amazing sex.  While I'm fully aware that some people reading this may find that tidbit a bit too much information, I give no shits.  This is my blog, and I'll sex if I want to.  
Now that I feel I have sufficiently ranted about this situation I can sit comfortably on the couch in the ZBT apartment that I pretty much live in now.  I shall wait patiently for my boyfriend(he is the most amazing person in this world ya know) to return from class.  I figure I can take these couple of hours to make myself look half way decent.  
Peace out, world!